...Sometimes you're the bug.
Sometimes it all comes together, baby.
Sometimes you're just a fool in love.
--Dire Straits
Ever have a day when these lyrics sorta fit for you? I'm feeling a little bug-y today and need to figure out how to reclaim windshield status. So far, here's my plan:
* Stay quiet. Sometimes things go wrong. Sometimes we get upset. Sometimes talking helps, and sometimes it just makes you tire of your own drama. That's where I am today, so being as quiet as I can should help.
* Get grounded by enjoying small happinesses: Farmers Market, chicken chores, planting more stuff in the garden, etc. Pay attention to these little things because they really matter to me.
* Go to bed at a decent time tonight, for goodness sake! Up too late last night and I'm paying for it.
* Play with the kids-- engaging directly (I'm the Pretty, Pretty Princess--yay for me!) with those rascals always cheers me.
* Believe that tomorrow will be better.
* Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, la la la la la and warm woolen mittens....
That's all I've got today. It's a beautiful mess, but as OM might say, que fatzo, which is Italian for 'what are ya gonna do?' <throw hands in the air now>
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
The Best Things In Life Are Free
Sorry if that ol' 80s song gets stuck in your head for awhile. It's not really supposta be a Janet (Ms. Jackson if you're nasty)/Luther Vandross moment, just a statement of truth. Specifically, today is library discard day at my school and there are 2 whole carts of free books to choose from. I love this; it's like a holiday to me. Free books = sa-weet! I picked up a whole set of 60s field guides, on everything from butterflies to seashells to ferns to larger mammals of Africa (with a pangolin on the cover!). OM scored The Hodgepodge Book and I know for a fact that this is a rare treasure. Have you seen this book? Erin and I had it as kids and luvvved it. It's so full of funny nonsense! I have our copy now (sorry, Airbo--don't know how I ended up with it) and my mom tried to find one for Erin's kids at Powell's and they told her it was out of print and in demand, selling for up to $80-$90. OM is the lucky business, no? We also both scored a nice big box of wood scraps from the shop class. Our kids can use them to hammer on, though I may claim half of it for next year's wood stove kindling (I know, I'm too practical and should let the kids have it all and maybe I will...). Anyway, the riches are raining down on us here at school today!
So, those are the tangibles. The intangible list of 'best things' is even more substantial. It's who we love, spending time together, listening, playing, imagining, doing real work, noticing, all of the glory of our natural world, chickens, hammocks, etc. And it's trusting yourself enough to live your own life, any ding dang way you please. And knowing that sort of truth is good enough, regardless of society's rules or anyone else's expectations of you.
To quote from the other, old-timey song, The Best Things In Life Are Free,
"And love can come to ev'ryone
the best things in life are free."
So, those are the tangibles. The intangible list of 'best things' is even more substantial. It's who we love, spending time together, listening, playing, imagining, doing real work, noticing, all of the glory of our natural world, chickens, hammocks, etc. And it's trusting yourself enough to live your own life, any ding dang way you please. And knowing that sort of truth is good enough, regardless of society's rules or anyone else's expectations of you.
To quote from the other, old-timey song, The Best Things In Life Are Free,
"And love can come to ev'ryone
the best things in life are free."
Thursday, May 26, 2011
There Isn't a Train I Wouldn't Take
TravelThe railroad track is miles away, And the day is loud with voices speaking, Yet there isn't a train goes by all day But I hear its whistle shrieking. All night there isn't a train goes by, Though the night is still for sleep and dreaming, But I see its cinders red on the sky, And hear its engine steaming. My heart is warm with friends I make, And better friends I'll not be knowing; Yet there isn't a train I wouldn't take, No matter where it's going.--Edna St. Vincent Millay
I just love the spirit of this poem! I love the idea of adventure through travel or even through just talking to people and hearing their stories. You never know who you might meet and what you could learn from them. I think I first learned the value of this at SEP, the summer camp I went to at U of O during my jr. high years. Growing up in Pendleton wasn't the most diverse of experiences. Being in Eugene in the summer, often traveling the I5 with Grateful Dead concert goers in VW buses with clouds of green smoke coming out the windows was a real eye opener. Eugene in general is great--full of hippies, weirdos and university folks of all sorts. My fellow campers were from all over Oregon and beyond and it was the first place I felt I could just be 100% myself. I think everyone there felt that way as we all came back year after year and many of us are still friends today (oh, hi Brucifer)--it had a real community feel. There were wavers and nerdballs and everyone got along. And I learned the value of not judging a book by its cover because you never know who might end up being your friend. I spent 11 years at that camp, as an attendee and as a worker bee, and it had a profound effect on my life, one that still colors how I see people and the world.
Just today at what I thought would be a boring old meeting, I ended up talking to the most fascinating woman, someone I had just met. We had some downtime to chat and I loved hearing about her life, her travels to Egypt and Turkey, her daughter in NY, her love of theatre. I asked lots of questions and just enjoyed listening. What a treat!
OM asked me to take a different walk today and it was fun to see new sights, notice all the different things growing near the sidewalk and smell lilacs in the air. OM pointed out all the little houses she enjoys looking at on this route, and I felt like a tourist--just great. Since I'm not in a position now to have great travel adventures, times like this sure hit the spot. And hearing stories from someone else, even a total stranger, enriches me so much.
Someday when my kids are grown, I'll go to France. Maybe they'll come too, who knows? I'll stroll through Montmartre and pretend I'm Amelie Poulain, I'll skip rocks in the Seine, I'll drink a lot of vin, and I'll try to blend in and hopefully meet some new French amis. But until then, what's in front of me right here and now is lovely. But don't think for a second that I'll ever stop listening for that train.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
You Must Revise Your Life
This is the title of a William Stafford book about writing and writers. I have it, but can't say I've read it...someday maybe. Anyway, I like this notion: you must revise your life. You must revise your life! This is another good mantra for me, much like 'suffer the little children.' I think it's an important thing to try to do every day. Ask yourself, 'Am I living the life I want?' and then adjust accordingly. I have an old book of epigrams and there's one in there that says, 'The way to begin living the ideal life is to begin.' Same idea. This whole notion of revising and making your life ideal is really doable I think. Now, of course there are some things, many things out of our control that we have to contend with. But if you cain't change it, change the way you think about it (somebody said that, I don't know who).
Maybe that sounds simplistic. But I believe in it. The more I can pare things down, the better. Add pleasing things and remove stressful ones. And work on the ol' attitude about what I can't change. Instead of thinking of it as the daily grind, see the purpose and value in the work. And don't waste time; it's simply too precious.
OM and I were walking and talking yesterday and thought we should perhaps come up with our own Ten Commandments. Although we wouldn't call them that. We'd call them something like Ten Good Ideas to Try and Live By or Ten Ways To Go or Ten Suggestions for Livin' the Good Life. It's really sort of in the idea stage, but the few we are firm on so far are 1.Don't waste time and 2. Embrace real work. If we ever finish our list, I'll maybe write about it here. Or else we'll write a book and be wildly successful, enough to quit our day jobs and go in on a communal farm together, while doing book tours in the winter time. You never do know!
Yesterday I was able to recharge the ol' batteries. I had the opportunity to go listen to Wendell Berry speak, but I turned it down; I just couldn't do it. My friend who offered the ticket said that Wendell Berry would approve of my decision. I wish I would have been up for it, but I was sooo worn down by the end of the school day. I thought for sure I'd take a nap when I got home, but nope, it was so sunny and pleasant, I got busy in the garden and didn't stop 'til almost 8. It was simply delightful. I made a little bean tepee in a barrel and planted more beans, I transplanted zinnias and calendula, put in over 100 sunflowers, got some more tomatoes in the ground (black cherry and sungold), transplanted 2 pumpkins from N, and put in some more beans by the front steps. The chickens were nearby the whole time, making their gentle chicken noises that I love. When I was all done, I sat down on the bright red Adirondack chair The Bobster made for me and just took it all in. I looked at my pretty little garden beds and my shiny and fluffy black chickens and the setting sun and it was just right; ideal. So today, I try again, revise further, and do my best (that might need to be Idea #3).
Maybe that sounds simplistic. But I believe in it. The more I can pare things down, the better. Add pleasing things and remove stressful ones. And work on the ol' attitude about what I can't change. Instead of thinking of it as the daily grind, see the purpose and value in the work. And don't waste time; it's simply too precious.
OM and I were walking and talking yesterday and thought we should perhaps come up with our own Ten Commandments. Although we wouldn't call them that. We'd call them something like Ten Good Ideas to Try and Live By or Ten Ways To Go or Ten Suggestions for Livin' the Good Life. It's really sort of in the idea stage, but the few we are firm on so far are 1.Don't waste time and 2. Embrace real work. If we ever finish our list, I'll maybe write about it here. Or else we'll write a book and be wildly successful, enough to quit our day jobs and go in on a communal farm together, while doing book tours in the winter time. You never do know!
Yesterday I was able to recharge the ol' batteries. I had the opportunity to go listen to Wendell Berry speak, but I turned it down; I just couldn't do it. My friend who offered the ticket said that Wendell Berry would approve of my decision. I wish I would have been up for it, but I was sooo worn down by the end of the school day. I thought for sure I'd take a nap when I got home, but nope, it was so sunny and pleasant, I got busy in the garden and didn't stop 'til almost 8. It was simply delightful. I made a little bean tepee in a barrel and planted more beans, I transplanted zinnias and calendula, put in over 100 sunflowers, got some more tomatoes in the ground (black cherry and sungold), transplanted 2 pumpkins from N, and put in some more beans by the front steps. The chickens were nearby the whole time, making their gentle chicken noises that I love. When I was all done, I sat down on the bright red Adirondack chair The Bobster made for me and just took it all in. I looked at my pretty little garden beds and my shiny and fluffy black chickens and the setting sun and it was just right; ideal. So today, I try again, revise further, and do my best (that might need to be Idea #3).
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Suffer the Little Children
Snap! Sometimes my kids are the bratty business. Why is this? Are kids naughtier today than in the past? Or did our parents just ignore it better? I've talked about this with several moms and we seem to agree that today's kids are probably no more naughty than we were, but rather, parenting styles have changed and we're all so much more in-tune with the children these days. It's easy to get caught up in nurturing them the right way so they'll grow up to be empathetic individuals with high self esteem whose actions are dictated by the natural rewards and consequences of their chosen behavior. Wow. That sure sounds like a load of b.s. How about this? Why doncha just freakin' do what I say because I freaking know best?! Uh-oh, I've turned into the Swearing Mommy (NY-er magazine character).
I love my kids. Soooooo much. They are good kids. But sometimes they drive me The Crazy. They bicker with each other, they are unpredictably naughty sometimes even though they certainly know better, Caroline can sure be a sassy-pants, Jack is sometimes dogmatic and stubborn, and they don't listen so good at times. Ahhhhhhhh! What's a mother to do? Suffer the little children. Suffer.The.Little.Children. My atheist dad gave me this biblical line, and it helps. I have repeated it in my head like a mantra many, many times. It's hard to be a parent, yo. I'm constantly checking myself to see if I'm doing a good enough job balancing freedom and responsibility (Nietzsche is my Dr. Spock--haha), and if I'm doing or saying (ahem--I'm the sassy business, no question where Caroline gets it) anything that's going to screw them up in the future. What I need to be better at is just accepting things as they are. That I am doing my best. That they will be naughty and mess up. That I will screw up. And that we will all turn out ok. But maybe if I bought me some shootin' muffs and started wearing them around the kids that would help take the edge off, too. Not hearing every peep out of them and feeling like I should jump in and start managing would be a good thing. When we were kids and would visit my Grandma Ethel, her house had the best play room ever, called simply, The Big Room. The Big Room was completely sealed off from the rest of the house with a thick, soundproof slider. The adults could see us but not hear us. Brilliant! So, it's either add on, get some muffs, turn on some music (this does help, I've noticed), dial back the mommy managment, or all of the above. Holy shit! Can you even imagine the bliss?
So here are a few lines from Neruda's Sonnet XXVII that are my truth when I think about my darling kids. My darling, naughty kids:
"...I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way."
I love my kids. Soooooo much. They are good kids. But sometimes they drive me The Crazy. They bicker with each other, they are unpredictably naughty sometimes even though they certainly know better, Caroline can sure be a sassy-pants, Jack is sometimes dogmatic and stubborn, and they don't listen so good at times. Ahhhhhhhh! What's a mother to do? Suffer the little children. Suffer.The.Little.Children. My atheist dad gave me this biblical line, and it helps. I have repeated it in my head like a mantra many, many times. It's hard to be a parent, yo. I'm constantly checking myself to see if I'm doing a good enough job balancing freedom and responsibility (Nietzsche is my Dr. Spock--haha), and if I'm doing or saying (ahem--I'm the sassy business, no question where Caroline gets it) anything that's going to screw them up in the future. What I need to be better at is just accepting things as they are. That I am doing my best. That they will be naughty and mess up. That I will screw up. And that we will all turn out ok. But maybe if I bought me some shootin' muffs and started wearing them around the kids that would help take the edge off, too. Not hearing every peep out of them and feeling like I should jump in and start managing would be a good thing. When we were kids and would visit my Grandma Ethel, her house had the best play room ever, called simply, The Big Room. The Big Room was completely sealed off from the rest of the house with a thick, soundproof slider. The adults could see us but not hear us. Brilliant! So, it's either add on, get some muffs, turn on some music (this does help, I've noticed), dial back the mommy managment, or all of the above. Holy shit! Can you even imagine the bliss?
So here are a few lines from Neruda's Sonnet XXVII that are my truth when I think about my darling kids. My darling, naughty kids:
"...I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way."
Monday, May 23, 2011
A Special Kind of Double
A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double. ~Toni Morrison
I love this quote and it totally fits for my sister, Erin, and me. Erin was here visiting this weekend with one of my nephews, and we had a great time! My sister is fun. She's funny. She's smart. As my friend CC said, she's just like my mom, but times 10. Erin is really positive and doesn't complain. We are similar in lots of ways, and also really different. Which makes it interesting--in a good way. We fought a lot as kids, but as grown ups, not much at all. Sometimes, we'll get under each other's skin, as only a sister can, but it's short lived and sorta funny.
Erin and I went thriftin' on Saturday, starting in Carnation at the Granny Thrift Store, Re-InCarnation. This is really a treasure trove; I always find something good there. All of the proceeds benefit the senior center and lots of seniors make donations, so it's pretty high on vintage goods. I scored some pretty pink flowered linen napkins (50% off on all linens, yay for me!) and some kids books--neat older ones, and a very cool storybook characters coloring book from the 60s for Caroline. Erin stuffed a bag with kid clothes at $3 a bag, as much as you can fit. Carlitos got out of there with a ginormous tin of Lincoln Logs. Then we headed to town, destination Redmond Valooo Veeelaj. Erin got a cute work skirt, I got 2 pair of jeans and...the holy grail of shoes. Shoes I've been looking for for a while. Shoes that I searched for on Zappos, looking at over 1000 pictures of flip flops. These ain't no ordinary flip flop though, these are THONGS. Old school thongs! Black textured footbed, red and yellow stripes around the sides, red fake suede thong. Awww yeah! And...NEW! And...$1.99! And...my size! Whose basement these have been in for the last 30 years, I don't know, but I am thankful.
After our shopping adventures, we took Carlitos out for "Chinese" food (a.k.a. Thai--we're sneaky and he cain't read well enough to know the difference). We ate yummy "Lo Mein" (phad see ew), fresh rolls, garlic beef and green curry with tofu. Erin and I love Thai food, and after Carlitos' initial reluctance, ("This Lo Mein tastes different"), he did too.
It was a lovely weekend with my sister, my special kind of double. No one knows you as long as your siblings do; think about that. I'm grateful to have the sister I have. Thanks for the visit, Airbo!
I love this quote and it totally fits for my sister, Erin, and me. Erin was here visiting this weekend with one of my nephews, and we had a great time! My sister is fun. She's funny. She's smart. As my friend CC said, she's just like my mom, but times 10. Erin is really positive and doesn't complain. We are similar in lots of ways, and also really different. Which makes it interesting--in a good way. We fought a lot as kids, but as grown ups, not much at all. Sometimes, we'll get under each other's skin, as only a sister can, but it's short lived and sorta funny.
Erin and I went thriftin' on Saturday, starting in Carnation at the Granny Thrift Store, Re-InCarnation. This is really a treasure trove; I always find something good there. All of the proceeds benefit the senior center and lots of seniors make donations, so it's pretty high on vintage goods. I scored some pretty pink flowered linen napkins (50% off on all linens, yay for me!) and some kids books--neat older ones, and a very cool storybook characters coloring book from the 60s for Caroline. Erin stuffed a bag with kid clothes at $3 a bag, as much as you can fit. Carlitos got out of there with a ginormous tin of Lincoln Logs. Then we headed to town, destination Redmond Valooo Veeelaj. Erin got a cute work skirt, I got 2 pair of jeans and...the holy grail of shoes. Shoes I've been looking for for a while. Shoes that I searched for on Zappos, looking at over 1000 pictures of flip flops. These ain't no ordinary flip flop though, these are THONGS. Old school thongs! Black textured footbed, red and yellow stripes around the sides, red fake suede thong. Awww yeah! And...NEW! And...$1.99! And...my size! Whose basement these have been in for the last 30 years, I don't know, but I am thankful.
After our shopping adventures, we took Carlitos out for "Chinese" food (a.k.a. Thai--we're sneaky and he cain't read well enough to know the difference). We ate yummy "Lo Mein" (phad see ew), fresh rolls, garlic beef and green curry with tofu. Erin and I love Thai food, and after Carlitos' initial reluctance, ("This Lo Mein tastes different"), he did too.
It was a lovely weekend with my sister, my special kind of double. No one knows you as long as your siblings do; think about that. I'm grateful to have the sister I have. Thanks for the visit, Airbo!
Friday, May 20, 2011
A Sunshine Holiday
"...And the jocond rebecks sound
To many a youth, and many a maid,
Dancing in the Chequer'd shade;
And young and old come forth to play
On a Sunshine Holyday."
--John Milton from his poem l'allegro
My grandma Marge was a big Milton fan. I must say, I wish I got Milton. I mean, I can get parts, but to try to follow a whole poem, is beyond me. L'allegro--cain't! Paradise Lost---fuggetaboutit. Oh well, I can glean little bits of meaning, like from the excerpt above, which I love. Of course until I looked it up, I thought jocund rebecks were happy birds (actually they're fiddles). But no matter, I get it, and love the celebratory mood of it. Today is bright and sunshiney and feels like a holiday, if not a Holyday. I belong to the Church of the Warm Spring Day.
And it's shaping up to be a fine one, indeed. I have spent the morning talking about poetry with a class of bright 6th graders. I read their odes, their 'where I'm from' poems, and their apology poems, in the style of William Carlos Williams' poem, This is Just to Say. We have some good shorty poets here! Their teacher is also having them carry a poem in their pocket with the eventual goal of learning it by heart. So, I was treated to several recitations, some great poem choices, and one about cheerleading. Not that I have anything against cheerleaders, as that would be hypocritical (again, Go Bucks!). But...
Anyhow, I love that the kids have a chance to know a poem well, to wear it like a scrunchie! I was made to memorize a poem in 6th grade, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by R. Frost, and I still know it! By heart! Now, I know lots of other poems, too and it secretly pleases me to have a repertoire of poems at the ready. You never know when a poetic moment will arise. If you want to memorize something, I think carrying it around in your pocket and looking at it throughout the day is a great way to go. If I could know any poem by heart, I'd want to know Ode to a Nightingale by Keats but that may be a stretch as it's loooong. But soooo goooood.
What poem would you want to know?
To many a youth, and many a maid,
Dancing in the Chequer'd shade;
And young and old come forth to play
On a Sunshine Holyday."
--John Milton from his poem l'allegro
My grandma Marge was a big Milton fan. I must say, I wish I got Milton. I mean, I can get parts, but to try to follow a whole poem, is beyond me. L'allegro--cain't! Paradise Lost---fuggetaboutit. Oh well, I can glean little bits of meaning, like from the excerpt above, which I love. Of course until I looked it up, I thought jocund rebecks were happy birds (actually they're fiddles). But no matter, I get it, and love the celebratory mood of it. Today is bright and sunshiney and feels like a holiday, if not a Holyday. I belong to the Church of the Warm Spring Day.
And it's shaping up to be a fine one, indeed. I have spent the morning talking about poetry with a class of bright 6th graders. I read their odes, their 'where I'm from' poems, and their apology poems, in the style of William Carlos Williams' poem, This is Just to Say. We have some good shorty poets here! Their teacher is also having them carry a poem in their pocket with the eventual goal of learning it by heart. So, I was treated to several recitations, some great poem choices, and one about cheerleading. Not that I have anything against cheerleaders, as that would be hypocritical (again, Go Bucks!). But...
Anyhow, I love that the kids have a chance to know a poem well, to wear it like a scrunchie! I was made to memorize a poem in 6th grade, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by R. Frost, and I still know it! By heart! Now, I know lots of other poems, too and it secretly pleases me to have a repertoire of poems at the ready. You never know when a poetic moment will arise. If you want to memorize something, I think carrying it around in your pocket and looking at it throughout the day is a great way to go. If I could know any poem by heart, I'd want to know Ode to a Nightingale by Keats but that may be a stretch as it's loooong. But soooo goooood.
What poem would you want to know?
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